Long Covid

So it has once again been some time since I posted here on the blog. It's a real shame as so many interesting things have happened to me over the last few years, some of them good, and unfortunately some of them bad... And it is one of those bad ones that I want to talk about today. 

I managed to last some time without catching covid, despite the fact I was working, taking buses and trains, and spending time with my client in various public places. but in November of 2021 the inevitable finally happened, I contracted Covid. The first symptom I noticed was the lack of taste, it was actually really unusual to eat without tasting, so I decided to take a test. Now, I was testing on a regular basis anyway for work and would have needed to take a test anyway. But I did the swap that many of us had become familiar with, back of the throat, up the nose, in the liquid and dripped onto the test. If you have been paying attention so far the next part won't really be a shocker, but it came back with those bastard two lines. Now, I didn't really realise just what this would come to mean in the long term for me. 

So, how was covid for me? Well, the truth is for the most part it didn't cause me much fuss, I was a little out of breath, coughing had a slight temperature and was sleeping quite a lot. But overall it really passed without any significant issues. The truth for a short while after I had covid I was feeling mostly fine. Although I had noticed a marked increase in the severity of my asthma, it wasn't something that I found overly concerning at the time. The truth is when you are chronically unwell you get used to symptoms coming and going over time. It just becomes part of life for the most part. 

A few weeks had passed and I noticed that I was sleeping much more than I was before, I had gone from sleeping 4-6 hours a night to needing 10 hours of sleep just to function. This was not normal for me and it started to cause issues, I wasn't able to keep on top of things like chores and most importantly work. I hadn't yet returned to work and I decided, that I would have to be off work long-term. In order for my client to get their needs met, I decided it was best to part ways from the job that I loved. 

It really was a hard decision to stop working but the truth was and continues to be that I just can't be relied on anymore. Some days I would be mostly fine, without much issue and other days I would be exhausted and need to be in bed for 12 hours. The situation really wasn't conducive to being a functioning member of society. This is not even talking about the effect that covid had on my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. 

Since I recovered from covid I have been stuck in a perpetual state of just pure weariness, and extreme pain most of the time. This led on to my mental health taking a bit of a dive. I was frustrated that I couldn't do the things that only weeks ago I could do without trouble. I spiralled quickly into abusing alcohol, from a mixture of boredom, frustration and despair. I thought that I would continue to degenerate and find myself in a situation where I was unable to do even the most basic of things. The doctors didn't seem overly concerned and although now looking back that was a sign that I shouldn't have worried I took this as if the doctors simply didn't care. 

There was one doctor who took note of the way I was feeling and decided to help, he referred me to the mental health team to get an early medication review and ordered a battery of tests. The tests for the most part came back normal but it was discovered that I have a meaningful amount of scarring on my lungs, most certainly caused by the covid infection I had some weeks before. This scarring may improve over time but in reality, it is something that I will have for the rest of my life. It was around this time that I decided I would quit smoking to help improve the situation.

Over the next few months, I saw my psychiatrist who was a massive help, listened to my concerns and went on to try a new antipsychotic. And I noticed within days a much calmer, centred mindset. Honestly, in many ways, these meds have saved my life. They for the first time have given me the ability to choose how I act, what I say, how I behave and most importantly gave me the ability to see that things can get better. 

Not much has really changed since then. My health has not really improved, but crucially it has not really worsened either. I continue to push myself in ways that are rewarding outside of work, such as content creation, supporting others and artistic endeavours. I really don't think I will ever be able to do the things I used to do, cycling, going to the gym, and long walks. There's a good chance I will never work a normal job again. But no matter what, I can say for the first time in my life I am content, for the first time I am truly happy and for the first time, I can see a future. And to me, that means the world.  

Thanks for reading,

Spec.