Dealing With Death As An Autistic

So, first thing first, I am talking about my own experiences as an autistic person. Although this is the way death affects me, and the way I choose to cope. It may not be the way another person on the spectrum would feel or deal with it. As always, your mileage may vary. 

The sad truth is over the past few years we have had a large number of family members say goodbye for the last time. It is never easy when someone you are close to passes away. Even if it was someone in the family that wasn't quite as close it can still affect you. I have had three grandparents, and a number of my great uncles pass away among others in less than a decade. 

In many ways I have been lucky, all of the deaths in my family have happened while I was an adult. This means I got the chance to spend time with and build members with most of my family. I have many great fond memories with my grandparents. From the stories of Grandad Roberts's time in the navy to the weekend travels to car-boot sales with Grandad Geoff. We used to go to my Grandma's house for dinner on Wednesdays. My granny lived over the road and we would often go over for a little visit. Sometimes we would visit with our mum and other times we would just go on our own. 

I think of the hardest things for me is the fact that someone who seemed like an essential part of my life, someone who seemed like the whole world can simply be gone and the world just continues like nothing happened. People go to work, eat, drink, and party like nothing happened. I think it's fair to say that there is no other way it could go. As the saying goes, life must go on. 

For many people, the funeral is a difficult aspect of death. But for us autistics, not only do we deal with the death in the family, but we are also battling our own minds. Dealing with so many people is a challenge for most autistics. Dealing with a massive number of emotionally charged people is even more difficult. People who have recently experienced death are always unpredictable. They can lash out for no reason, they can be withdrawn, and hell, they can be a completely different person. 

After the funeral, comes the wake for most families. For me I have always found wakes strange, someone has just died, I know, let's have a party! We all know that once you get alcohol in the mix, things can become very different. Singing, dancing, and eating are all part of the experience. But the anxiety can make it hard for autistics to get involved with such things. You are expected to be there and most people would find an issue with you if you skipped the wake. 

One good thing I have found that comes from the passing of a family member is the fact that it usually brings the family together. it can bridge great divides, heal old wounds and even spark new friendships. It was at my grandad's funeral that I met Scott, and he has been an irreplaceable part of my life ever since. He has supported me through all of my mental health woes. He came to all my mental health appointments with me, some normal doctor appointments and even to the Job Centre. 

I'm sure that most of this is shared by those not on the spectrum, but I feel it is harder for many of us with autism to understand the emotions we feel and harder to cope with them. so something that is unpleasant for a "normal" person can become unbearable for someone like me. Unfortunately, it is simply a fact of life that people will pass away and is something we all have to deal with eventually. 

What do you all think, how do you cope with death? Do you share my thoughts and feelings or have you got a different experience? Either I would love to hear down in the comments!

Thanks for reading, 

Spec.