A Night Out

Well, guys, it finally happened, for the first time since I went sober I decided to go on a night out. Know how it is, these places serve alcohol and for the longest time I did want to take the risk of going somewhere when I would be tired and there was alcohol.

Night Time

The truth is I shouldn't have really been concerned about that because the truth is I didn't feel the need to drink once. Although there were times when I wish I was drinking and that is what this post is going to be about. Where I live night time is a time for romps behaviour, lots of alcohol, and obviously the type of activities that go on when one would drink. 

There are often fights, solicitation, and general drunken shenanigans. But there is always something wonderful, friendships, adult conversation, music, dancing. Not always good dancing but dancing nonetheless. 

The Temptation of Alcohol and Social Lubrication

So here comes the part about wanting to drink. the advantage of drinking is the fact that it is a great social lubricant and lowers inhibition, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. But at the end of the day, it is one of those things that can really help in some situations. 

What you may have guessed from that is in this case there was a girl, she looked nice, not over the top, not crazy makeup, just a normal woman, she had a great smile and I wanted to go and ask for her number. Something I would have done if I had been drinking but, without the drink, I don't have the confidence or the words to be doing such things. 

The Difficulty in meeting New People

That's the joys of social anxiety, I'm pretty good with words, I mean here I am using my words right now. I don't feel a massive need to go and use large words when it is not needed but I have them when they are needed. But I just stumble over myself, mentally when it comes to going outside of my comfort zone. Talking to new people is something that is pretty well known for us autistics, and the loud music and approaching someone who is with their friends make it a harder obstacle to overcome.  

You see, this is one of those things that you can't really just overcome, you learn to live with it often, but at the end of the day you just have to chalk it up to it being the way you are and there's not much you can really do to "fix" that. so that leads one to the question of, how do you go about meeting new people. Well in many cases you meet friends through work, through other friends, or through common situations, like social groups, classes, etc. 

For me that is not really a possibility most of the time, I mean not only am I autistic but I also struggle both with my mental and physical health in a way that leads to going out and doing things to be a challenge. Pain, fatigue, and a whole host of mental barriers lead me to simply give up on the idea of going out frequently and doing what I want to do.

Longing for Connection

It once had really bothered me, but over the years I have come to accept it and move on. I mean I have a great group of online friends and a small but dependable group of real-life friends. It means that although I don't get the thrill of meeting new people, the chances of gaining kinship and dare I say it... love. I'm pretty comfortable and content with the way my life is going. 

I guess the thing is, when you live your life in the way I live you come to expect that you don't get many invites, you don't get to meet many people. In some ways, this tends to help me stay comfortable. I have a routine, I know what to expect from the people that are in my life. But, sometimes, and only sometimes it leaves me longing for more...

Thanks for reading, 

Spec.