Filthy American Here - Why I am leaving ABA therapy Part 1

Hey, this is Jacob, I've contributed before to the politics and ADHD blogs, but this is a first for me. I do NOT have autism (that I'm aware of). I've had some suspicions in the past, but even if I do ADHD rules my life far more than any symptoms that make me consider Autism. Nevertheless, it has become a strong part of my life. About a year ago, my son was diagnosed. We knew he had ADHD already, but he was far from what I've dealt with and there seemed to be more issues than just ADHD. 

The problem with fixing Neurodivergence

So here I am, struggling as a father of 5, a wife with severe mental health concerns, my own ADHD, and now my son has become something I simply don't know how to 'fix'. I put that in quotes because one of the main issues with neurodivergence is non-divergent like to treat us as a problem that can be solved, a disease that can be treated away. While there are some differing views on calling them a superpower or disability, the fact is it is not simply a condition that is separate from us.

It IS us. I'm not just ADHD, but it is a significant part of my personality. It drives how I think. I'm not some 'normal' person underneath struggling to fight this sickness. I am just me, there's no fighting it. A part of me that is super strong and likely from ADHD is problem-solving.

My Love of Problem-solving and how it relates to my Son's Autism

I love things I can fix, improve, and optimise. I love the system's lists and solutions. I know I can't fix everything; I know many things are out of my control. But I LOVE problems that I can actually solve. It's like an equation. If I just apply the right formula, I get the right answer. It's super satisfying. My wife has PTSD and is triggered by gunshot sounds. She's gotten to the point if she's expecting it, it's not too bad, but a surprise sound can send her down a bad spiral. This is a problem I can simply solve. I just don't play gunshot sounds. If a show has it, I let her know and keep the volume low or have headphones on.

So back to my son. Beyond the whole 'fixing' issue, I didn't feel I could help. There was no formula for me to follow to keep his struggles away. No matter what I do, he will still struggle. And that's hard for me. I want to help, I love to help. Beyond just problem-solving, I was raised to help others every chance I get. I also have a high level of empathy. I might not understand social cues well, and I might not understand WHAT the issue is. But I can always tell when something is wrong. I feel sad when other people are sad. I'm very good at reflecting others' emotions in this way. So to see and feel my son struggle hurts. To not know what to do about it hurts worse. 

ADHD kicked in and I frantically started googling autism, techniques, worksheets, and whatever info I could find. Along the way, I learned a lot but also went through some issues at work. Some FMLA struggles led me to lose what was a very stable, very nice, easy, and well paid job. I quickly jumped to a remote IT job so I could keep the income going and keep my tech skills from getting rusty. 

My experience with Burnout and how it led to me quitting the job

A month in, this job was so horrific I was fully burnt out. There's lots of talk of the help desk causing burnout from stupid calls and just losing the ability to care, but the work itself wasn't the main issue. The company itself was horrible. Basic things that were given at even the worst jobs I've held were missed here. 15 min breaks? more like 10 min. Heaven forbid the company has to pay for an extra 5 min of my sanity.

I had a stomach bug that ravaged thru the family for one week and when it was time to work again, I couldn't. I was at the worst period of depression in my life just at the thought of going back to that job. So I took a month, quit that nightmare and realigned myself. I was so burnt out from the last job that I decided I wanted to take a break from IT and helpdesk in general. I just didn't have anything left to give right then. I couldn't force myself to care anymore.

My New Job as an ABA Therapist

Then I found a job as an ABA therapist for an autistic kid in the local area. This was a perfect fit. I didn't have to take calls, put on a voice, or care about some stranger. I got to build a relationship with someone who needed help. I would be trained on how to help. And in the process, I would learn how to help my son. I currently work with the company still but I am looking to move out. I want to get back into my career and make better money again. I want to feel helpful again. Being in a therapy job, it seems weird that I'm looking to help again. This job should fill that need but for a lot of reasons it doesn't. At this point, I've ranted about what got me here and it's time to talk about what I found and why I need to leave. Part 2 will be a doozie...

With love and insanity equally,

J.M.