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Tuesday, 5 May 2015

Morals

Hello everyone,
I wasn't planning on writing a blog post today, in order to keep myself from burning out I'm only planning on writing three posts a week. But here we are, now something that is all too familiar with just happened.
Once again me and my mum have had an argument and this got me thinking. Do all of these arguments make me a bad person. I mean I know that I'm the cause of them. My immediate answer is no, of cause not, everyone argues. For some reason though today is different, today has me questioning am I a good, nice person and how would you determine such a thing.
Its a strange feeling questioning oneself, no one likes to think anything negatively when it's aimed inwards. Let's take me for example, most people would say I'm nice and caring,I give money to charity and help people out when they need, but when it comes to the people who should mean the most to me I can't help myself. Generally people who are close to me are the ones who get it the hardest even when I don't mean too. It's just so much easier to let your emotions out too those who are closest to you.
When I leave the house I bottle pretty much all my emotions up right inside. Its easier to deal with the outside world this way, anxiety, panic, stress are all common emotions but hard to deal with when or in public. The same can't be said when you're in the safety of your own home. Emotions tend to boil to the surface without a second though. Honestly, I hate the way how my home life is, arguments all the time but I just don't know how to deal with it. I'm constantly bombarded with emotions that I don't quite understand why I have. The easiest way of dealing with them is being hostile to anyone around me.
Back to the original question though, does this make me a bad person. Usually I'd say no but lately... I question my own morality and that's a hard thing to deal with. I do try to live my life with some level of decency. Sometimes I don't think that is enough, what if I am just naturally wired to be a bad person. I think this is the most honest post that I have ever written. I do try to keep this blog positive but that wouldn't show a true to life window into my world.

Thanks for reading,

Ben.

2 comments:

  1. It's a fact of life that we vent to those we are closest to. That goes for EVERYONE, not just you. As a kid, my mum got the brunt of my frustration. On the flip side... My mum now vents to me, so I guess you could say it's gone full circle. None of us can maintain a poker face indefinitely :)

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    1. Thanks for that, glad to hear I'm not the only one.

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