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Monday, 4 May 2015

Mondays by Mums

We've had a difficult few weeks with Williams temper. When your child can't tell you when he's hurt, unwell, tired, sad or miffed, its hard to help. It's wearing, emotionally and physically for all, and some days you just end up screeching at eachother because you really don't know what to do. Its like having that helpless newborn back, but this time 3 stone heavier and who likes to kick, throw punches and objects at you.

One evening this week at bedtime William had the proper grumps on and I didn't know how to settle him. He wasn't interested in cuddles, singing or doing anything with me. In the end I'm ashamed to admit I shouted at him to sod off to bed as he screeched, banged and threw things round his room for the fiftieth time. I really didn't know what to do, and I don't think he did either. I walked away into my own room, slammed my door and sobbed on the bed, listening to him scream for what felt like eternity, but probably was only a few minutes if that.
He was quiet and calm after a while so I went in and lay next to him, I said sorry and he put his head against mine and we sang nursery rhymes. (Well I sang, he told me to shush). It was as if that breakdown moments earlier had never happened. We snuggled till he fell asleep with a smile on his face, and I felt really shit about losing my temper so easily.
As a parent of a young child with such poor communication skills, every day is like a set of puzzles. But some days you just can't solve those puzzles no matter how hard you try and you feel like a failure. I felt like a failure that night, because I couldn't figure out the problem, I was tired and I lost my temper at a time when he was obviously distressed.
Life is hard, but hopefully as we work on Williams language and use of symbols, he might in time be able to tell me what's up. He might tell me his duvet cover is crap and that's why he doesn't like sleeping under it. He might say he hates the blue walls or wants his pillow fluffing up every night. He might want his milk shaken, not stirred.
Until that day I will try my best to play detective. I'm not a perfect parent, I have bad days,  but life's a learning curve. Our curve might be a bit different to most other families but it doesn't make us any less.
Thanks, Pam.

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