Depression

So today I have spent a lot of time thinking about what exactly I will be writing todays post on. this is more difficult that you would think because I have a tendency to write the same thing over and over again with knowing that I am doing it.

Hard Drive

Okay everyone, first things first I've ordered a new hard drive and that should solve my computer issues but until that comes posts won't be as good. That's because I don't particularly enjoy typing on my phone which means the post will be rushed and shorter than usual and I'm sorry about that.

Also for some reason I feel like it is harder to think of something to post about when ever I write on my phone. I didn't get to see my girl today as planned. This obviously made me feel anxious and I hate the fact that something as simple as that can get me anxious. Its rather annoying because I want to be understanding about it but the way I feel stops me for being completely understanding.

Computer trouble

Hello everyone, expect posts of a lesser quality and formatting that isn't right. My laptop is correctly out of commission and I'm using to use my phone to post which isn't a fun experience. I'm going seeing Katie tomorrow and get mum may be getting some bad news, I don't know how to deal with people who are upset and crying, I never have. The issue is when I cry I don't want to be touched so that's how I act when someone else is crying even though I know that I should cuddle then and make them feel better. I really hope it isn't bad news because I don't want to see her upset.

Ben.

Mondays by Mum - Hero

It's ok not to be a hero, there have been no questions asked. So I've decided to share this nugget. I knew Ben was different from six weeks old. He cried when held, tried to push away from me. He stared vacantly and didn't respond to play. The worst thing wash the awful screaming to keep himself awake. Ben had been really poorly from birth with his chest. I became obsessed with bleach. Thinking I'd done something wrong. So when I raised my concerns with my health visitor, who may I add had no children. Ben was my second. She told my I was over anxious and young. I was 21.I knew there was a problem. Every time I mentioned things to a healthcare provider I was foo fooed with the same old response. When one day I found myself locked in the bathroom begging my sister to come take the kids, it was all my fault, Ben just didn't like me. The strain was waring me down. My husband wasn't very supportive. I know now that he shares many traits with Ben. I sat in my mum's and the words she said have gotten me through many trying times. No woman is a super hero, until she has a child, for them she will swim the deepest sea and scale the highest peak. She will fight any battle no matter how long to make sure they have what they need. I knew Ben was different I didn't know why. But I wasn't going to stop until I knew why.

-Debbie

Success Sundays - Day One - Jane

hello everyone, our first success story has been sent in by Jane Withington.

Fall Out

So today I managed to fall out with someone but that didn’t really bother me because I know that I did nothing wrong. I am one of those people that will always tell someone the truth and there are many people in the world that lie to themselves and want to hear nothing but the lie that they tell themselves.

Plans and Disruption

Plans are needed by everyone, otherwise nothing would be organised, nothing would get done and the whole world would grind to a halt. But if something doesn’t go to plan for most people they just shrug it off and move on but when something that has been planned and goes wrong, a spectrum dweller can quickly become overwhelmed.

Clothes continued

Well today I am going to be posting about clothes... for a second time. I do try to get all relevant information into each post but I lack the concentration span that is needed in order to write posts that are much longer than 350 words. This means sometimes you will have to read a second or even a third continuation of a post. So clothes, yes material, colour, feel and fit are important but so are the little things, tags, seems, buttons and zips all affect me.

So the first item on the list is tags, tags are not the most comfortable aspect of clothing for anyone. I have been known to unpick the stitches that hold in the tags on my clothing where possible. The problem with this I'd not everyone knows how or has the tools required. Further more not all tags can be removed, if the stitching that holds the in place are also needed to hold the clothes together this isn't possible.

Seams can be bothersome when the material that the clothes are made out of isn't as soft or thicker. They become more noticeable and in turn, more uncomfortable.  Most seams on clothes are made in such a fashion that they are not meant to be overly visible or easy to feel when worn. This is helpful but with my tactile oversensitivity I am still bothered by the seams on my clothes. You would think that there would be more seamless clothes on the market these days but for the few that I can seem to find they are so overpriced that I am unable to afford them.

Buttons can be bothersome in their own little way, as buttons are too much of while actually wearing the clothes, putting them one in the first place can. Now I enjoy wearing shirts and recently I have started to wear more of them and for all the great aspects of shirts the one thing I hate the most function wise are buttons. Not only can they be easily ripped off if one isn’t careful, they can be difficult to button up. In the morning when my tablets are still having a drowsing effect on me I am unable to button up the shirt myself. I know my mum is more than willing to help me out but I don’t like the idea of having to ask her to help me get dressed at the age of 18. So I leave them mostly buttoned and slide them veer my head just like I would when wearing a t-shirt.

Zips are one of my favourite forms of clothing clothes, they are secure, easy to seal and unseal and most of all they usually have some material to stop them from pinching your skin. But one issue that I seem to have with zips on jeans is forgetting to undo them all the way and I end up splitting them when I go to take them off. This makes them useless as clothes.

Thanks for reading and as usually, keep in mind that a little patience can go a long way,

Ben.

Relationships

I have been asked quite a few questions since I started this blog but one that I have only actually received once is relationships.

Adaptation Series: Part One, Transportation

So for the first installment in this series I will be talking about how I have overcome my inability to use public transportation. But first let's discuss why I am not able to use it.

Adaptation Series: Introduction

I have decided to do a series of posts that have a common subject, this series will be a non regular series, meaning that I don't have the intention of doing a post on a certain day for it but will be doing hopefully at least one post per week on this subject.

My day

So today has been busy! Had a lot to do and been to youth zone, for anyone who's on the fence about letting your child go there I'd give it a glowing recommendation.

Clothes

Clothes, yes that’s right I am going to do an entire post about clothing. Now you may ask why but I have always had issues with the kind of clothes I wear, I mean the material had to be right, the fit, the size even the colour could cause me to refuse an item of clothing. I am going to talk you through some of this and hopefully you can understand just why us people on the spectrum are so choosy when it comes to clothing.

Feedback Needed

Right you will all be happy to know that the fonts on the blog are now set and there shouldn’t be any more problems with that.

Heads up

Just a heads up, expect font mess ups and various issues with text on the blog as i am trying to get blogger to reset the default font, 

thanks,

Ben.

News

We’ve got lots of news and it’s not even midday yet, first of all you may notice that the blog address now redirects to blog.anautisticauthor.co.uk. That’s because I have registered a web address for use with the website that I’m building.

Food

Okay, so after a quick post on Facebook I saw that there are at least a few people out there who would love to have some ideas for adding healthy food to meals.

Just another post

So while thinking about this blog I realised that I don't care if no one reads it, I want to post about myself a little more, because it's rather therapeutic to be honest.

I know

I know that I haven't posted but I haven't had any visits so I don't see why, if you do want more posts just comment and I'll be happy to post more.

Good day

Hello everyone, you know what, today has been an amazing day, one been to see my college tutors as I needed to get sponsor money and then I've been at youth done all day.

Loneliness

When I can't sleep at night I think, and when I think I always end up on the same topic and in turn the same conclusion.

Doctors visit

I'm actually writing this post while sat in the waiting room of the doctors. Don't know why but I'm feeling really anxious even though I'm seeing the same doctor that I always see.

Impulses

One of the issues that come with having autism is general impulsive behavior, in children it just means acting out and being inappropriate.

Saturday

Well it's Saturday and I'm tired, I hate it when I can't sleep. I don't really think this will be a long post but here we go.

Night life

Okay, so I can't sleep once again and thought maybe I should do another post. This time I'm going to talk about what exactly it is that I do to pass the time at night. 

Just a Side Note

• You may notice small changes to the design, just trying to get it to look as I want, I hope you will bear with me and I welcome all feedback.
• Also we had our first french visitor to the blog, Bonjour! 
• Please can you all take a minute to view the blog on the desktop view and participate in the poll that I have set up to the right.
• To read the entire post all you have to do is click the "read more" button.
• Finally, I have managed to sort the time stamps for all future posts.

Thanks again for reading my blog,

Ben.

Routine

One of the first pieces of advice given to parents with autistic children is to put in place and maintain a clearly defined routine. It is often said that this can help the child in all aspects of their behaviour.

Sensory processing

So today's post is going to be about how I am affected by what's around me. Everyone has senses, but not everyone perceives them the same way. Humans have five senses and I'm going to go through each of then and how they make me feel.
The first is taste, now I'm lucky that I'm  not overly affected by tastes.
The second is smell, I find that I am frequently overloaded with smells. Certain smells knock me sick, one of the worst ones is tobacco smoke. My mum smokes and sometimes she'll smoke at the back door rather than the front. The smoke comes right into the living room and I have to go upstairs. But other smells get to me, the smell of food cooking knocks me sick, "damp smell" also makes me sick. I find many perfumes make me agitated because they are usually such a strong, sweet smell and I hate it. I have scented candles that I use, and I have learned that I can use them to calm down.
The third is sight, I have to say that photosensitivity is a problem for me. I find that bright lights hurt my eyes, but not just that lights that most people find comfortable are far too intense for me. Even when the lights don't hurt per say, they can still make me feel agitated and anxious. I find it surprising how much light can affect me. The use of candles also helps with lighting, also I have a lava lamp and had rgb lighting. I'm looking to replace them soon as the ones I had broke.
The next is sound, I am incredibly sound sensitive, when I was younger it was very bothersome but as I've grown up I have learned that I can use it to my advantage. Don't get me wrong I am still bothered by sounds, loud and "busy" sounds get to me most. By busy sounds I mean bring in a room where lots of people are talking or lots of different music is playing.
The last is touch, now I know that I am going to miss so much out in this section because it's so extensive. Most people don't think about it, but temperature, clothes, interpersonal contact and so much more are felt with this sense. I find that I am not bothered by temperatures that most would find uncomfortable. Even now at my age I find myself often refusing to wear some items of clothing based solely on the way they feel when I wear them. As you probably could guess this makes buying clothes online difficult and also clothes that I have received as gifts. Even the small clothing items like socks have to be certain types otherwise they really bother me and I'm not exactly sure why. Now here comes the most sought after section, contact, it can mean anything from cuddles to being in a fight. Let's start off on the nice side of contact, cuddles are often seen by many parents as needed in order to bond with their child, also it's the go to response when a child needs comforting. But most people with autism find contact with other people uncomfortable. I am one of those people. That doesn't mean I never cuddle my mum, it just means she has to wait for when I want to cuddle. And that's the advice that I'll give to you, don't force kisses and cuddles on your child, just wait for them to come to you, it may take a while, but they will come.

As always thanks for reading and remember that a little patience can go a long way,

Ben.

Just as a little note, the time stamps on blogger are incorrect and I will be manually adding them in the posts until I work out how to change it, this post was written at 16:44.

Sleep

I can't sleep, as usual... and that made me think about how my lack of sleeping used to affect others. Now that I'm older I don't need to have my mum stay up with me because I am capable of looking after myself. But when I was younger my mum obviously needed to stay up with me; she could have just left me to my own devices and hoped for the best... but she didn't. As time goes by and you realise that you're in it for the long haul, it can look bleak. After all just because your child can live and function on three hours sleep doesn't mean you can. So don't forget you can always sleep during the day when they're at school if you don't work, if you do work, find some other times to sleep. Its crazy just how much better you'll feel with as little as an hour of sleep.
Does your child/ren have difficulty sleeping? If so, why not drop a few tips on  how you deal with the situation.

Thanks for taking the time to read this article, and as always, try to remember, a little patience goes a long way,

Ben.

Love

So today is the second day that I am posting to this blog, it's hard to decide what to talk about because there is just so much to say. But one thing that I am sure I want to talk about is that four letter word, "love". The one question that I have been asked a few times is why don't young autistic children show their love. The true answer to that is I don't exactly know, I was seven years old before I first told my mum that I loved her. Does that mean that I didn't love her up until that point... NO! it doesn't, I have always loved my mum but I don't know how to show it, yes, I used the word "don't" because the truth is I often act like I don't love her and sometimes it's something I do hate because her has been an amazing mum, she has fought for me my entire life and for that I am eternally grateful.

When I was younger, I had no self control, I was stronger that my mum by the age of six or so and that made life rather difficult on her part because my dad wasn't around to help and she just didn't know what to do. When my mum would bring this up with the health visitor, she would always give the same advice, telling her to stand her ground, put me outside the living and wait. But that rarely worked because I was able to push the door open even when she was holding from the other side.
But as I have got older I have learnt that behavior like isn't acceptable... sometimes I still lose myself like I used to but I have learnt that rather than trying to have 100 percent control, All that was needed was for me to walk away and even to this day that is so vary difficult for me.

Anyway, back to the original topic, try to see the world from our shoes, although we have feelings, we have no way to explain the way we feel. Then even now I have gained the ability to explain how I feel, most of the time I don't know why I feel that way. When you have days where you think that your child doesn't love you, just try to remember what I've said, and someday they will walk up to you, tell you that they love you and it will be one of the happiest and most bonding experiences of your life.

Thanks for reading and remember, a little patience goes a long way,

Ben.